Diamonds and Fairies (Charles Boheme, Carley Baer) Charles Boheme - vocals / Carley Baer - vocals, accordion / Steve Hamilton - castanets / Stephen Cooper - soprano sax / Zach Vogel, Jamey Clark, Dana Nielsen, Rob Atwood, Ty Helbach, Mike McKinnon, Lantz Lazwell, Tarl Knight
Lyrics
And so, on a typically foggy evening near olde London Bridge (True story: not falling down not falling down, London Bridge not falling down my fair lady); BUT I DIGRESS. At any rate, our plucky Victorian crossdressing prostitute heroine, Mimsy Mim la Flame, used horribly with excess and vigor, then left beaten on the docks by the shore leave debarkees of a Spanish galleon by the name of (CUT)(Spanish guitar??) NACHO BELLGRANDE (Latin trumpet flourish, castanets) stares longingly, dreamily, and yes, it must be said, creamily across the putrid sparkling waters of the Thames. In them, she spies lost hopes, broken dreams. In them she sees…
Diamonds or fairies, can only be one
The one is for weddings but the other’s more fun
Diamonds and fairies, they may never collide
But if you ask nicely, I’ll still take you inside
I was but a young girl when I first roamed the docks
Picking up some young seamen, and taking hard knocks
I was young and so slender, like a girl of sixteen
All the sailors would clamor – for my cockles so clean –
(Crying cockles … and muscles alive a live ho’)
But time came a tripping, as he’s wont to do
Now my lace is disheveled, and it hurts when I poo
Oh, Nacho Bellgrande, what you’ve done here to me
Through my running mascara, in the waters I see
(SAILORS: I see. I see.)
Diamonds and fairies, an impossible choice
But you don’t need to choose now, when the girls are the boys
So this is the question, when your beauty’s your trade
Do you suck all their lemons or just drink lemonade?
(SAILORS: Lemonade lemonade!)
Diamonds and fairies oo-la-loo, loo-la-lay
Diamonds and fairies hey la ho nonny-nay
Diamonds and fairies oh la loo loo la lay
Diamonds and fairies hey la ho nonney naaaaaaay!!!!